I would love to undergo every young women in this kind of "ball" or celebration. Because I truly and strongly agree that "virginity is divine" and should only be given to your husband after you wed. Today, virginity is not an issue anymore. Women esp. teenagers are committing themselves to premarital sex and doesn't value anymore the real meaning of "virgin". Sad but true!
Derek
· 2 years ago
Great post, Holly. This purity ball stuff will never cease to creep me out. I'm definitely going to look into integrity balls now, too, as this s the first time I've come across them.
blogberry mom,
First, can you tell me why, exactly, that "virginity is divine"? Given that the couple is using protection (and assuming they are heterosexual), two things happen to the woman when she has sex for the first time: One, a membrane, the hymen, breaks; and two, she gains an experience. Now, I'm a male, but I don't think any of those are actually doing any harm.
It's interesting how you said virginity "should only be given to your husband", too. What about the man? Hell, what about queer couples? Are they exempt from this "virginity is divine", stuff?
Also, virginity is a HUGE issue. That's why you have things like abstinence-only education and purity balls. And what is this "real meaning of 'virgin'"? Conventional wisdom tells me the meaning of a virgin is a person who has never had sex. What is this "real" meaning I'm failing to grasp?
Finally, why is premarital sex such a big deal? I will probably never support the patriarchal institution of marriage, so does that make me a bad person when I have sex? Tell me what's more sad: women having the option to do as they wish, or forcing traditional gender roles down their throats.
Mizzy
· 2 years ago
"Who else thinks these things came about when parents started feeling uncomfortable talking to their children about sex?"
I agree. You can teach your children values and *integrity* without making them promise to keep their virginity until marriage... and at a BALL nonetheless! That's just a *bit* over the top.
"Integrity" makes much more sense. ;)
p.s. Love the new look. I hope you're doing well!
Riksa
· 2 years ago
That is really creepy. I used to think so earlier, but now that I have a daughter of my own (albeit only about 10 weeks old) the creepiness just got a violent shove onto a whole new level.
Data Relationship Discovery
· 2 years ago
Derek, you are so right. I am very happy I got to be in many different relationships before I was married. I gained a lot of relationship experience: how to get along with my partners, how to love another person, what to look for, and what to avoid. Not only did I get the sexual experience that my husband is now grateful for, but sex really did enhance all my past relationships, and still adds another dimension to my marriage. I can't imagine what life would be like if I was a virgin until marriage! I am 30 years old and just had my first and only marriage. I observed other marriages that had fallen apart and waited for myself to mature enough to really know who I was and to make the right choice before marrying. If I had been a virgin for that long it would have probably taken a significant amount of time before I could truly say that I know myself. Blogberry Mom, Please wake up. abstinence should not be shoved down the throats of our youth, it leads to more teenage pregnancies and STDs because they have no idea what they are doing.
-Bethany
Rachel
· 2 years ago
Why should any young woman value her virginity, since all it does is prevent her experiencing the pleasure of orgasms with another person? Why should any young woman want to 'save herself' for a husband that she will never fully know until she trys? What do you do if you find that actually, you're really not sexually compatible -- but joined for life? Oops - I forgot. it's not meant to be about the woman's pleasure, is it? So tell me again why I'd want to be a virgin waiting for her husband to appear?
p.s - I use the pill, too. AND I've used emergency contraception. Damn, since I'm having sex responsibly and, y'know, NOT bringing another (unwanted) life into the world, I really must be going to hell now, mustn't I?
Night Club Los Angeles
· 2 years ago
This is just another example of Christian hype ! Churches are the most ignorant thing one can become involved with ! Pushing sexual "purity" on children at too early an age can only lead to a much too early curiosity about sex! Yes, I'd say the fathers who participate are creepy. Worse yet though are the Ministers who promote this kind of stuff ! James
Pest Control RI
· 2 years ago
Ahh mankind is still in denial that humans have sex. Animals have sex, what is so wrong with humans having sex?
Technowerkz
· 1 year ago
Touchy subject, so I'll just say that I liked the post. Good work
Blogberry MOM
· 1 year ago
Well, i got your point. Maybe I was just raised in a conservative way and still living on it. I know sex issue is a non-stop discussion as well as virginity(male & female), but I know sex should be done responsibly. If you know you are one, then...
Thanks for the well raised opinion Derek.
SPotted and Herbacious Backson
· 1 year ago
I'll go with integrity too. If I ever thought anyone was going to break anything of mine, my boots and their behind would have something to say to each other. No one should have to be hurt just to fit someone else, and I'd rather stay a virgin forever than have anything to do with someone who thought they had a right to alter me. Keeping one's sexuality to oneself until one chooses to marry is a personal decision and not for everyone. But this father-daughter thing is creeeeeepy. Shouldn't Mom be handling that one, and Dad teaching the boys? Don't even get me started on the practice of ramming your religion down a kid's throat--or any other part of them...
Cufflinks
· 1 year ago
Very very touchy subject... hehe Nothing's better than the warm touch of a... woman before marriage. lol
Rachel
· 1 year ago
James: -yes to the fathers being creepy. -yes to the ministers being creepy.
But what's wrong with curiosity about sex? I used to babysit children of 6 and 7 who would ask me about sex. Actually, come to think of it, as a 7 year old, *I* was curious about sex. I don't think it's a bad thing to wonder what those funny-shaped bits of your body do, or where babies come from. I'd say that's fairly reasonable, actually. What I *don't* think is reasonable is telling a little girl who's really too young to understand fully that if she has sex before marriage, she'll become the human equivalent of a "used car", complete with "steering problems". Charming.
Tracee Sioux
· 1 year ago
I love that the boys aren't held to "purity" as in remaining virgins - they are held to integrity - "not marrying sluts."
Just the other day I heard a youth preacher say, "If she'll do it with you, she's not worth having anyway." Cause she's a whore if she does it? He's still "worth having" but she's a whore.
Why hasn't this changed?
JakeLynagh
· 1 year ago
Thats just weird...
Thanks for the article.
Carol
· 1 year ago
It is tragic that the most influential man a girl has in her life is holding her to an unreasonable standard. A girl's father should model respectful behavior and a loving relationship for her to strive for, rather than shackling her to a no-win path.
If the girl has sex before marriage, she risks not having the correct information (sex and STD ed) and therefore possibly unpleasant results, in addition to the damnation of her own father OR she rushes into marriage before she's mature enough (around 30) to have that coveted sex, resulting in divorce or single parenthood.
Sure something positive could happen from this vow, but since the teen birth rates are rising for the first time in 15 years, there's a very good chance something negative could happen, too.
VigRX Plus
· 1 year ago
I think you need to have experience as well. Honestly, to marry someone with zero experience just because she swore to remain a virgin before marriage, is quite degrading as well.... to the woman (or man). It reeks of medieval thinking - women are possessions of their husbands. I am sure most women agree on this.
Fling.com
· 1 year ago
Absolutely true you need to have experience as well and there is nothing worse to marry a woman with no experience.
Christian Purity Rings
· 1 year ago
Great subject that needs to be brought up more often. Loved the post.
The Scott
· 11 months ago
Challenging youth to wait until they are an adult is one thing. Scaring the heck out of them, and telling them a condom is a provision for sin is irresponsible. Did you know the Lovers in the Song of Solomon have sex in Chapter 2, but don't get married until Chapter 3? The kind of ignorance Church leaders have about this sort of in-your-face premarital sex in the Bible has gone on too long. If you want to know more, go to my website. It's cheaper than a Purity Ring and a lot more fun than abstinence.
-The Scott
clhouse
· 4 months ago
Every Father wants the best for their children, but surely this is taking it a bit too far!
Jessica
· 4 months ago
Sounds like Stepford Families. How about the girls being happy and healthy and the Fathers being happy about that first and foremost?
mlht
· 3 months ago
Most people here don't really know what they mean when Christians use the word integrity. It's not like they are referring to honesty or the personal character traits of the individual, but the fact is the first cut is the deepest. GK Chesterton said, "Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul, but his life." That's integrity. It makes sense to do that with some one you got to know with your head, with whom you built a friendship first, who you let get to know your family, and who let you get to know what drives you sexually by yourself through a gradual development self-discipline (think about that) and control through chastity (vs. abstinence - now think about THAT vs. chastity if you even know the difference and tell me I'm living in the dark ages), before marrying and having sex. Chances are that's a happy and healthy marriage between two sweethearts whose first love will never be broken. It's worth it. To know you're not thinking about so-and-so from the past, and never have to have "It's Complicated" as a Facebook status, because it's not...it's just LOVE.
And it has nothing to do with abstinence-only education vs. sex ed and all that American political jargon. If had a kid I would protect them, and try whatever kind of crazy ball or party or ceremony to do that. Not because they are a girl who is thought to be weak...no that's not it or because they are a boy who is some wild beast who will attack women mindlessly...but because they are my children, with feelings that are precious trying to build a solid married life and treat their bodies to only the BEST.
All Comments
blogberry mom,
First, can you tell me why, exactly, that "virginity is divine"? Given that the couple is using protection (and assuming they are heterosexual), two things happen to the woman when she has sex for the first time: One, a membrane, the hymen, breaks; and two, she gains an experience. Now, I'm a male, but I don't think any of those are actually doing any harm.
It's interesting how you said virginity "should only be given to your husband", too. What about the man? Hell, what about queer couples? Are they exempt from this "virginity is divine", stuff?
Also, virginity is a HUGE issue. That's why you have things like abstinence-only education and purity balls. And what is this "real meaning of 'virgin'"? Conventional wisdom tells me the meaning of a virgin is a person who has never had sex. What is this "real" meaning I'm failing to grasp?
Finally, why is premarital sex such a big deal? I will probably never support the patriarchal institution of marriage, so does that make me a bad person when I have sex? Tell me what's more sad: women having the option to do as they wish, or forcing traditional gender roles down their throats.
I agree. You can teach your children values and *integrity* without making them promise to keep their virginity until marriage... and at a BALL nonetheless! That's just a *bit* over the top.
"Integrity" makes much more sense. ;)
p.s. Love the new look. I hope you're doing well!
Blogberry Mom, Please wake up. abstinence should not be shoved down the throats of our youth, it leads to more teenage pregnancies and STDs because they have no idea what they are doing.
-Bethany
Why should any young woman want to 'save herself' for a husband that she will never fully know until she trys?
What do you do if you find that actually, you're really not sexually compatible -- but joined for life?
Oops - I forgot.
it's not meant to be about the woman's pleasure, is it?
So tell me again why I'd want to be a virgin waiting for her husband to appear?
p.s - I use the pill, too. AND I've used emergency contraception.
Damn, since I'm having sex responsibly and, y'know, NOT bringing another (unwanted) life into the world, I really must be going to hell now, mustn't I?
Churches are the most ignorant thing one can become involved with !
Pushing sexual "purity" on children at too early an age can only lead to a much too early curiosity about sex!
Yes, I'd say the fathers who participate are creepy.
Worse yet though are the Ministers who promote this kind of stuff ! James
Thanks for the well raised opinion Derek.
Keeping one's sexuality to oneself until one chooses to marry is a personal decision and not for everyone. But this father-daughter thing is creeeeeepy. Shouldn't Mom be handling that one, and Dad teaching the boys?
Don't even get me started on the practice of ramming your religion down a kid's throat--or any other part of them...
Nothing's better than the warm touch of a... woman before marriage. lol
-yes to the fathers being creepy.
-yes to the ministers being creepy.
But what's wrong with curiosity about sex?
I used to babysit children of 6 and 7 who would ask me about sex.
Actually, come to think of it, as a 7 year old, *I* was curious about sex.
I don't think it's a bad thing to wonder what those funny-shaped bits of your body do, or where babies come from. I'd say that's fairly reasonable, actually.
What I *don't* think is reasonable is telling a little girl who's really too young to understand fully that if she has sex before marriage, she'll become the human equivalent of a "used car", complete with "steering problems". Charming.
Just the other day I heard a youth preacher say, "If she'll do it with you, she's not worth having anyway." Cause she's a whore if she does it? He's still "worth having" but she's a whore.
Why hasn't this changed?
Thanks for the article.
If the girl has sex before marriage, she risks not having the correct information (sex and STD ed) and therefore possibly unpleasant results, in addition to the damnation of her own father OR she rushes into marriage before she's mature enough (around 30) to have that coveted sex, resulting in divorce or single parenthood.
Sure something positive could happen from this vow, but since the teen birth rates are rising for the first time in 15 years, there's a very good chance something negative could happen, too.
-The Scott
And it has nothing to do with abstinence-only education vs. sex ed and all that American political jargon. If had a kid I would protect them, and try whatever kind of crazy ball or party or ceremony to do that. Not because they are a girl who is thought to be weak...no that's not it or because they are a boy who is some wild beast who will attack women mindlessly...but because they are my children, with feelings that are precious trying to build a solid married life and treat their bodies to only the BEST.