Well said. Education is the key and not just the mechanics of how babies are made, there needs to be an ongoing discussion with our young people about sex and how it fits into a relationship and society at large. We need to discuss how sex can affect a person, how to be safe when sex is involved and this involves more than condoms and the pill, it also involves how to protect yourself from an abusive or otherwise unsafe environment, what STDs are, how to prevent them and where to go for help and advice if you think you may have an STD as well as teaching them all about babies, the lack of sleep, the never ending screaming, dirty nappies and all the other unpleasant stuff that most young people don't give more than a passing thought toward when they think "awww baby."
I got pregnant at 17, a few months before I got pregnant my parents found a condom wrapper caught in the linen after my boyfriend stayed the night and they told me that they didn't believe that I was ready for sex and that they never wanted to see another condom wrapper, so what did we do? We stopped using condoms of course! When I found out I was pregnant, I thought "Awwww baby!!!" and refused all advice to have an abortion. I'd like to think that I'm pretty intelligent as far as people go, but I was a 17 year old kid who had this novel idea of sweet tiny babies who are ever so cute. When my son was born the reality sunk in, within 6 months I'd lost all of my friends and my life revolved around what went in one end of my son and what came out the other and not much else.
I love my son to death and I'd never give him up, but if I could do it over I think I'd want to grow up first before I started worrying about helping a new little person grow up. I advise every teenager I meet who even shows signs of being clucky to do the same. You only get one chance to be a young adult do you really want to surrender that to another person, even if they are your baby?
Jocelyn
· 1 year ago
You're exactly right. The problem is not the media, it's the lack of education, both in the schools and in the homes. Anyone who has ever been a teenager (that'd be all of us) knows you can't just tell a teen not to do something and expect them not to do it. Abstinence is not, and has never been, the answer to teen pregnancy or STDs and that's not the media's fault or its responsibility. The people pointing the finger at the media may want to take a look a little closer to home.
As for those girls in Gloucester, their situation has nothing whatsoever to do with the lack of or availability of contraceptives. Those girls are missing something essential in their lives that they think can be fulfilled by the "unconditional" love of a baby. And this isn't a new thing, despite the Time magazine article. I remember seeing girls like this on talk shows when I was in high school (back in the dark ages). Sadly, these girls are about to find out that it's hard to feel unconditional love when you're waking up every two hours, wiping poop off someone else's butt or listening to them scream when they (and you) should be sleeping.
The first commenter has wise words - I hope at least some of the teens out there take them to heart.
Carol
· 1 year ago
Many of today's parents have abdicated their duties in favor of doing what they want to do. They have kids and expect teachers, clergy and law enforcement to raise them. We live in an "anything goes" society here in the USA, sorry to say. Very good article you have written. Two thumbs up! :)
Ezekiah
· 1 year ago
You forgot (for me) another fairly big problem. It does include the media, but not in any: "they made a movie about it! run for cover!" type of way. There is some serious double standards about celebrities who get pregnant.
I'm talking about the focus on how bad a mother certain celebrities are (fill in the blank with whichever newest "bad mom celeb" you'd like), while simultaneously holding up to the light the idea that motherhood can save you (I recently heard something about that and Nicole Ricci [no idea how to spell her name]). I'm also talking about the constant "look for the bump!" attitude of magazines that talk about how pregnancy is making certain celebrities "glow". As if pregnancy gave Jennifer Lopez magic fairy dust or something.
The magazines are probably both a symptom and a cause. But what's always pissed me off about them is when people who are "disgusted" about what's in them (but not the magazine itself, just the "scandalous" things inside), buy them, and then perpetuate this cycle.
An additional caveat. I'm interested in the lack of "what were the children thinking!?!" that occured when Jamie Lynn Spears (yes?) announced she was pregnant and keeping the child. Maybe I'm imaginging it, but I seem to remember talk show hosts congratulating her. Certainly now they are reporting on her giving birth as though it were any other celeb baby. Yeah there was certainly a little: "what example will this set for the kids?" but definitely none of this: "what is the world coming today?" attitude that we see now. Is it that only rich people are allowed to get pregnant as teens?
I do think that sex ed needs to be better. For example, when I was in high school, I definitely didn't have the necessary skills to communicate about sex (which put me in at least one really unfun situation). However, I think some blame should be placed squarely at the feet of consumers. Consumers of the media that they then despair over. Who'd have thought, that after shelling out money to read magazines all about (sometimes young) celebrities getting pregnant, those magazines would do positive stories about people getting pregnant? And then, who'd have thought that young people reading those magazines would hear the tropes about how "my baby saved my life" and "doesn't she glow?" and decide that they applied to real life!?! Bizarre isn't it.
Julie (calinazaret)
· 1 year ago
Wow, I'm amazed at the thoughtful writing is this blog and the thoughtful responses you receive.
I've very grateful for the sex ed I recieved in school, but not everyone paid attention and some kids were not allowed to go to sex ed class because their parents refused. In the fifth grade when I first has sex ed, one of the kids who's parents refused came up to the teacher and asked her is AIDS was bad. She couldn't answer him!
Jenny
· 1 year ago
I think I actually failed Sex Ed. LOL It obviously didn't teach me anything anyway, but I don't know. I agree with you on the subject but I also think if someone is stupid enough (like me) to listen to "the message" then....so sad for them.
Jenn
· 1 year ago
Nice article. I completely agree. The media by and large promote sex. You see it in mainstream advertising and primetime television. They also make young actresses and singers into "sex symbols". We saw this with Britney spears. We're now seeing it with Miley Cyrus. It's up to us as parents to teach our kids what's right and to quit letting television and movies raise our children
Business Valuation
· 1 year ago
Sex sells for sure, but I think it is silly to blame the media when your kids are having sex. Neither media nor schools should teach about sex. It needs to be taught and taught well. Not just abstinence, that doesn't work.
I think when people say that the media is promoting sex or other horrors, it is just people trying to shift the blame on someone else.
Nina
· 1 year ago
I would like to compare the society and parenting in US with the society and parenting in a different country - like China or Vietnam. I was there and what I've learned really changed my life.
Parents in US expect their children to grow up by themselves. Or wait for someone else to do their job - teachers and relatives. But more then often those who teach them are most unsuitable. Parent has to TALK with his kid.
In China and Vietnam parents raise their kids. Sex is not a taboo there. There are no teen mothers there. I was stunned at first. But after while I realized why is that. They dedicate time to their kids and are treating them the proper way - mature way. Talk with them openly, they are your kids. If you can't talk with then and show them what life is about, who should? Someone who will make a great mistake or will even abuse that right.
Car Shipping
· 1 year ago
Although teen pregnancy's rate is getting higher, I still believe there are many young women who don't want to have early pregnancy.
Parent's guidance is very important too in avoiding this worldwide problem.
Monavie
· 1 year ago
No one can blame the media, celebrities, tv shows and latest hit movies. You can't blame the parents, or the young couple. Truth is, it's not any one thing but all things combined. The parents should have talked more, the children could have listened. They could have tried protection or not listened to their friends that wanted to get pregnant with them. It's all situational depending on the person, their upbringing, and their personal beliefs.
Of course no one should believe movies or magazines. They are all about money, not what is morally right! They're going to make the biggest story they can out of something to make the big bucks. I just feel bad that young girls are having babies at the drop of a hat, starving themselves to look thin, wasting money trying to keep up with the latest fashions...Its just sad.
And to reply to Katie's comment above, my grandma had my dad when she turned 17. I can't regret that she did or I wouldn't be here. At least you've learned a lot and your little boy will have more of an understanding.
plati
· 1 year ago
you cant blame only the media however we cant deny that the tv, singers and some celebrities are actively promoting sex. whats interesting is that none of them tell the kids what they are going to face when they have babies. the money they will need and the time the will spend to educate this babies. Im from Brazil i can say that many singers here are promoting sex. Even God dont prohibit anything but he warn us that certain things will be be harmfull. Its up to the family to warn the kids and show what will be their life with a baby to care for. As monavie has said "Of course no one should believe movies or magazines. They are all about money, not what is morally right!" We must explain this to the Kids. Singers and actors want money they dont care. at least most of them. The truth must be spoken.
Pregnancy
· 1 year ago
Its the responsibilities of the parent to make sure that their children understand about teen pregnancy and sex. They need to teach them the responsibility that comes with it.
Kira
· 9 months ago
I think the media does have a way for it, and then again it doesnt. With all the stars getting pregnant at young ages, it could affect a kid mentally. LIke with jamie lynn spears getting pregnant at 17, she was all like, "I love my daughter. Motherhood is soo great, and i couldn't imagine a better baby. She doesn't cry so much, and the childbirth wasn't that bad." Putting that into a teen who doesn't know who they wanna be yet's head is technically influencing the undecided teen.
courtney
· 9 months ago
i am so sick and tired about people making a big deal about girls getting pregant. It is not such a big deal so these people need to learn to back off and mind their own bussiness. i know a few people in my school that are pregant and it is not that bad. we as people in the school dont treat them any different or anything they are regually people.
Natalie
· 8 months ago
It is a big deal that these young women are getting pregnant in High School. I was one of the those girls and they do not realize everything that is involved with having a baby at such a young age. I had to get a job in school to pay for the things that the baby needed. I would not change what I did, but it is a big deal and it has consequences. I was also 17 when I had my son. I lucky did not lose my friends or anything like that, but all the fun things that come with being a senior, I did not get to do because I was to busy being a mom instead of being a young adult. Think things thru first before making such a huge decision. It does affect the rest of your life.
Fris Arvz
· 6 months ago
Media can help preventing early teen pregnancy; or it can also promote early teen pregnancy, too... It depends on how the media deliver its message to public; how the teens understand it; and how well the parents guide their teens about sex and pregnancy.
Jo
· 5 months ago
You know what I think? People are 'pointing fingers' at the media because they didn't do the job well. I've seen a thousand and one reasons of why i SHOULDN'T do IT before finding Mr Right and getting hitched, but teens like me blindsight everything, because the constant drilling into our heads', more commonly known as brainwashing among us, just an irritating itch. Bad analogy, I know.
But we ignore it best as we can. Like if your neighbour's renovating and you KNOW you can do NOTHING about it, what DO you do? Ignore it. Well, duh. That's my point. Sex education's interesting to a point, but if you keep repeating it like a broken tape recorder, the only thing you'll achieve is getting us pissed AND curious AT THE SAME TIME! Now how's that for a wonder package. It's sort of 'I know I shouldn't do this, but my parents/ teachers are sooo annoying and I wanna do something WRONG.'
That's MY point, but everyone's different, though I'm guessing people my age think this way. At least, my friends do. Just so you know, it's just a feeling, no action taken, you get so frustrated with everyone telling you something you already know, you wanna do the exact OPPOSITE of what they're telling you.
k
· 5 months ago
Strong Article. I'm writing a paper about media influencing teen pregnancy, and a few of your comments made me realize "WOW" people do blame their problems on media before recognizing its a natural instinct to be curious. Thanks for this.
Medela
· 3 months ago
Wow, What an awesome article.Thanks for sharing it will us Holly.I never thought this way ever.
Pregnancy Miracle
· 2 months ago
parents should be more active in their kids lives, they need to work more on educating their kids about sex and not leaving it up for schools or media.
All Comments
I got pregnant at 17, a few months before I got pregnant my parents found a condom wrapper caught in the linen after my boyfriend stayed the night and they told me that they didn't believe that I was ready for sex and that they never wanted to see another condom wrapper, so what did we do? We stopped using condoms of course! When I found out I was pregnant, I thought "Awwww baby!!!" and refused all advice to have an abortion. I'd like to think that I'm pretty intelligent as far as people go, but I was a 17 year old kid who had this novel idea of sweet tiny babies who are ever so cute. When my son was born the reality sunk in, within 6 months I'd lost all of my friends and my life revolved around what went in one end of my son and what came out the other and not much else.
I love my son to death and I'd never give him up, but if I could do it over I think I'd want to grow up first before I started worrying about helping a new little person grow up. I advise every teenager I meet who even shows signs of being clucky to do the same. You only get one chance to be a young adult do you really want to surrender that to another person, even if they are your baby?
As for those girls in Gloucester, their situation has nothing whatsoever to do with the lack of or availability of contraceptives. Those girls are missing something essential in their lives that they think can be fulfilled by the "unconditional" love of a baby. And this isn't a new thing, despite the Time magazine article. I remember seeing girls like this on talk shows when I was in high school (back in the dark ages). Sadly, these girls are about to find out that it's hard to feel unconditional love when you're waking up every two hours, wiping poop off someone else's butt or listening to them scream when they (and you) should be sleeping.
The first commenter has wise words - I hope at least some of the teens out there take them to heart.
There is some serious double standards about celebrities who get pregnant.
I'm talking about the focus on how bad a mother certain celebrities are (fill in the blank with whichever newest "bad mom celeb" you'd like), while simultaneously holding up to the light the idea that motherhood can save you (I recently heard something about that and Nicole Ricci [no idea how to spell her name]). I'm also talking about the constant "look for the bump!" attitude of magazines that talk about how pregnancy is making certain celebrities "glow". As if pregnancy gave Jennifer Lopez magic fairy dust or something.
The magazines are probably both a symptom and a cause. But what's always pissed me off about them is when people who are "disgusted" about what's in them (but not the magazine itself, just the "scandalous" things inside), buy them, and then perpetuate this cycle.
An additional caveat. I'm interested in the lack of "what were the children thinking!?!" that occured when Jamie Lynn Spears (yes?) announced she was pregnant and keeping the child. Maybe I'm imaginging it, but I seem to remember talk show hosts congratulating her. Certainly now they are reporting on her giving birth as though it were any other celeb baby. Yeah there was certainly a little: "what example will this set for the kids?" but definitely none of this: "what is the world coming today?" attitude that we see now. Is it that only rich people are allowed to get pregnant as teens?
I do think that sex ed needs to be better. For example, when I was in high school, I definitely didn't have the necessary skills to communicate about sex (which put me in at least one really unfun situation). However, I think some blame should be placed squarely at the feet of consumers. Consumers of the media that they then despair over. Who'd have thought, that after shelling out money to read magazines all about (sometimes young) celebrities getting pregnant, those magazines would do positive stories about people getting pregnant? And then, who'd have thought that young people reading those magazines would hear the tropes about how "my baby saved my life" and "doesn't she glow?" and decide that they applied to real life!?! Bizarre isn't it.
I've very grateful for the sex ed I recieved in school, but not everyone paid attention and some kids were not allowed to go to sex ed class because their parents refused. In the fifth grade when I first has sex ed, one of the kids who's parents refused came up to the teacher and asked her is AIDS was bad. She couldn't answer him!
I think when people say that the media is promoting sex or other horrors, it is just people trying to shift the blame on someone else.
Parents in US expect their children to grow up by themselves. Or wait for someone else to do their job - teachers and relatives. But more then often those who teach them are most unsuitable. Parent has to TALK with his kid.
In China and Vietnam parents raise their kids. Sex is not a taboo there. There are no teen mothers there. I was stunned at first. But after while I realized why is that. They dedicate time to their kids and are treating them the proper way - mature way. Talk with them openly, they are your kids. If you can't talk with then and show them what life is about, who should? Someone who will make a great mistake or will even abuse that right.
Parent's guidance is very important too in avoiding this worldwide problem.
Of course no one should believe movies or magazines. They are all about money, not what is morally right! They're going to make the biggest story they can out of something to make the big bucks. I just feel bad that young girls are having babies at the drop of a hat, starving themselves to look thin, wasting money trying to keep up with the latest fashions...Its just sad.
And to reply to Katie's comment above, my grandma had my dad when she turned 17. I can't regret that she did or I wouldn't be here. At least you've learned a lot and your little boy will have more of an understanding.
We must explain this to the Kids. Singers and actors want money they dont care. at least most of them. The truth must be spoken.
But we ignore it best as we can. Like if your neighbour's renovating and you KNOW you can do NOTHING about it, what DO you do? Ignore it. Well, duh. That's my point. Sex education's interesting to a point, but if you keep repeating it like a broken tape recorder, the only thing you'll achieve is getting us pissed AND curious AT THE SAME TIME! Now how's that for a wonder package. It's sort of 'I know I shouldn't do this, but my parents/ teachers are sooo annoying and I wanna do something WRONG.'
That's MY point, but everyone's different, though I'm guessing people my age think this way. At least, my friends do. Just so you know, it's just a feeling, no action taken, you get so frustrated with everyone telling you something you already know, you wanna do the exact OPPOSITE of what they're telling you.
it is essential part of being a parent